Monday, May 20, 2013

Loss.



I sleep alone
and the willow whispers to me
softly
sweet verses
cut by the white of the moon
through her branches.

I sleep alone
and in that dreamless sleep
my heart echoes
the soft pitter-patter
of rain on the window,
yet there is no rain.

The nights have grown cold.

All I have ever known
has been shaped by these nights,
by poignant dew on morning petals.

All I have ever known
has been your face.
But now

I sleep alone.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Eternity.

Cheryl, you got me thinking and I ended up just sitting and writing something instead of doing my laundry.  Enjoy!




My darling, her eyes look like yours.  Long black lashes outlining a ring of glacial blue.  

How I wish I could be with you.  How I wish that I could watch her grow and sleep by your side, our feet intertwined, as we become old and grey.

When I felt the blossom of life inside me, I knew it would be the end of our time on this earth.  So, I made the hardest decision.  I held her in my belly and held you both in my heart until her arrival, which became my departure. 

After my living heart and body stilled and began to cool, I watched you with her.  I watched your face when the doctor came to tell you of our baby girl, the final product of our undying love for each other.  I watched your face when you learned I would never hold her; that you would never again wake to watch me sleep beside you.  I watched you crumble and think you, too, would die.

It’s funny how the living heart can keep beating even after the reason you’ve lived for so long is gone.  Funnier still how the living heart can stop and the love within it can stay alive. 

This is what’s become of my love for you, dearest. 

I lay beside you each morning as the golden sun shines in our bedroom window, the motes dancing with joy only the early morning brings.  I keep you warm each night while you sleep because I know your body radiates out heat like a skin-covered furnace.  I sit beside you as you make our little girl chocolate chip banana pancakes, something you were always better at than me.  I remind you to put the milk away and to make her lunch so that she never has to eat food from the school cafeteria. 
 I help you out of your chair at night and push my hands through your hair so you can fall asleep quickly. 

I never let anything hurt her.

And no matter what you do in this life after my body has left you, know that I will be with you until one day, not long after our daughter delivers a daughter of her own, you fall asleep in your armchair and come to be with me.


There are things I have been waiting so long to show you, my love.